A Dream

The other night I had a dream so vivid that I remembered it the next morning, which is rare for me. I was in a strange home with Phil (a toddler) and my mom and dad. Ma and Pa were young, like the pictures I've seen of them in the late 40's.

Two little vignettes from this scene: Pa is getting ready to go to town, I ask if Ma is going and can I. He says no, he's going on in (don't know what that means) and will be spending several nights away. Ma makes the universal hand signal for telephone to me, behind his back and mouths "girlfriend." I understand that to mean he really is having an affair, that it's not a joke as Ma always made it seem. I knew that later Pa would come back with a mustache.

The second, concurrent story: We had bought a stationary trike for Phil to get exercise indoors during the winter. Not a stationary bike, a stationary trike. I was setting it up on a treadmill in front of a TV so he could be learning while he was exercising. To the left of the TV was a series of flip cards with graphic designs of heads showing hairstyles, like I remember from the barber shop in town where Pa got his hair cut. Phil chose one called "Tousled." I used the numbers on the bottom of the card to tune the TV to that program, and he watched while he exercised.

Then the scene shifted to Cynth and I stopping by the Teec Nos Pos trading post on our way to town. We were young, pre-married, I guess. As we parked next to an elderly lady, Cynth said "That's Harriet." Harriet said "Everybody knows me." Cynth responded very sarcastically, "Hellooo Harriet..." As we walked toward the trading post we passed a line of Navajos squatting and rubbing their clothed genitals with plastic bags. Inside the trading post, we saw that it was virtually empty (we understood that the recession had hit them hard). Don Perrault, as the owner, walked toward us grumbling, and I said to Cynth, "They're always so grumpy here." An old Navajo woman said something to me in agreement. We saw that at the back of the store, the Navajo customers were lined up to buy rifles.

Another Gordonism

"You always cease to amaze me."

Merry Gay Rights Month

Power and Control

Running a retail shop has brought me a whole new appreciation of the various ways people grasp for power and control in their lives.

1. It seems to be acceptable to be rude or mean to the person behind the counter. I think this comes from the old adage that "The customer is always right." We generally call the customer on that, we'll say "how rude," or "hey, try nice." We do this because we're more about relationship than selling stuff. And it often has positive results with the customer. We also have some that never return, which is fine.

2. A customer in the midst of checking out, and telling a story, might hold his credit card or cash until the story is finished, even if there are others waiting to cash out.

3. A customer might ask a question and then not listen to the answer, but rather use the question to show his knowledge of the very thing he asked about.

4. A customer might speak very softly forcing us to say, "Pardon?" and hang around close.

5. A customer might say "On the mainland so and so is the preferred whatever...they wouldn't be caught dead with what this shop carries."

6. We have customers that ask for the price of everything they pick up, expecting us to hang around while they browse. (everything is clearly marked). BTW, have you noticed that the big stores don't bother marking the merchandise? They just mark the shelf.

7. A customer might talk loudly on a cell phone and still expect to be attended to by us even though we don't necessarily know when the customer is talking to us or the phone.

I haven't taken the next step of looking at my own behavior, yet. Maybe later.

Another of Gordon's Favorites

At least back in the day. A cool thing is we know the director of this video. It's the link I posted on the other blog...Jim and Ann from Graying and Balding.

The video was filmed at Jim and Kim's home in California in the early '90s. One thing I didn't know about Kevin Gilbert, the lead singer: He asphyxiated himself in an autoerotic episode. His housekeeper was so familiar with seeing him strapped up in various ways and get ups that she didn't realize he was dead until the second day. Nice eh?

Note to Self

From the Tao Te Ching

20
Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!


74
If you realize that all things change,
there is nothing you will try to hold on to.
If you aren't afraid of dying,
there is nothing you can't achieve.

Trying to control the future
is like trying to take the master carpenter's place.
When you handle the master carpenter's tools,
chances are that you'll cut your hand.

What Gordon Said to the Drunk Guy Walking in the Middle of the Road on the San Carlos Reservation in 1980

Yesterday morning I learned
Gordon had died while I slept.
When I finished my tea I
went out to work on my truck.

Then I drove South past
Kealakekua Bay and down
Middle Keei Road. Rain misting
on the windshield, smell of
plumeria and mildew
roasting coffee and huli chicken.
I listened to a CD my teenage
daughter mixed for me,
brooding and dark
to fit the landscape.

Back home again I rode my bicycle
ten miles to Kainaliu. Turned around at the
Shell Station and hit 50 on my way
back down the hill.

Later that evening we went to a
Lunar New Year party at the home of
Sting's videographer.
We sat alone among a hundred
guests and watched the sun set over the
ocean below us.

Tiki torch flared briefly, died
then burst into flames.
Someone grabbed it from its stand and
dropped it over the wall.
The flaming oil spread across
the lava below.

We sat alone in the crowd.
These are not our people.
This is not our way, we said.
I drank too much and ate too little and
had to be driven home.

Much later, as I drifted off to sleep
I realized there are many things
That only I know now.